Hilton Head is a stupid name for an island.

I went to The Heritage golf tournament over the weekend. I was also kicked out of bed still drunk at a ridiculous hour to go to an Easter sunrise service. This is meaningful for two reasons. One, Aaron Baddeley, the guy who ended up winning, spoke at the service, and it was good to see a young guy get his first win after hearing him talk about his self doubt. The second reason this was memorable is the preacher who gave the sermon seemed to be channelling Ric Flair at his most outrageous. He dragged out every syllable as if he meant to intimidate the entire gathered mass into heaven. It was definitely something to behold, as I sat shivering, bleary-eyed and whiskey-mouthed.

The Augusta National is overated

To all those who have never been to The Masters, it ain't that cool. I go most years because I have family that works there. Here is the truth: the pimento cheese sandwiches are just that, pimento fucking cheese sandwiches. Nothing more, nothing less. If you go after it rains, the course will smell like rotting dog shit, and you will bust your hairy ass in mud. You also will probably throw your shoes away when you get home. The beer is scientifically proven to turn hot the instant you pick it up. But by all means, make the trip this year. And be sure to enjoy your sixty dollar umbrella.

Comparison of cleaning products reveals...

If you need to clean your shower, sink, or whatnot, go with the harsh abrasive. Comet, or some off brand of that type of thing. You want it to be grainy and full of bleach. That is the only way you are going to get a decent job done. Fuck the sissy little Scrubbing Bubbles. Motherfuck them. I cannot stress this enough.


The hot shit.