Watching the UGA/UK Game

The Dawgs are getting diced by Randall "Tex" Cobb and John "Only Hope for the Future" Conner.

Herschel Walker Cuyler ThemDawgsisHellDon'tThey

There is a reason I stay up and watch this people.

What he should have said

And a child shall lead them...

Jesus Titfucking Christ

That was the most ridiculous day of college football that I can remember ever watching.

I am going to see Slint motherfuckers!!!

I'm trying to find my way home.


For no real reason, I popped in Spiderland today, and listened to the damn thing seven or eight times over the course of the workday. I do a Google search on Slint this afternoon, and damn if they aren't doing Spiderland two and a half hours up the road tomorrow night. I figure a dude my age has maybe one shot in a lifetime to see this. I will be there.

It's hard out their for a dude with an autistic kid.

The more I read about this, the more it becomes the saddest shit I have ever seen.

I don't know what the fuck I will do if I have a kid with circumstances. Bret Hart said the kid might have had dwarfism too. What the hell, God? What the hell?

No more crippling

I prefer to remember him like this.


Anybody who cares is aware of the Chris Benoit situation. Talking to Brad about it, he said that everytime something like this happens, it is like a piece of his childhood dies. He made that statement before details of what actually transpired came out. I knew from just watching the news enough that when someone is found dead with their wife and child, some horrible shit probably went down. I don't know about Brad's statement though. I felt a pretty big sense of detachment when I first heard about Benoit Monday afternoon. It made me realize how little I really care about wrestling nowadays, something that used to be an enormous part of my life. I think my childhood died a long time ago, I'm just now noticing it.

For whoever reads this that doesn't know, Chris Benoit was my favorite wrestler when I watched it. By a huge margin. I bought VHS tapes of the man wrestling in Japan off of the internet with my mom's 28.8 kbps modem back in high school. I still have them, and they are still some of the most impressive things I've ever seen, athletically. The matches that he used to have with Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Perry Saturn, and Rey Mysterio were the best I have ever watched. Chris Benoit was essentially my hero for about 5 years of my life.

I very, very rarely pay attention to professional wrestling nowadays. From what little I've seen since I went to college, Chris Benoit had lost several steps from when he was the most ridiculous athlete out there doing it. I will still watch his old matches and enjoy them. I am really more weirded out by the whole situation than upset. I think if I can take anything from all of this, it is to not have heroes. They can only let you down.

I was born wearing spats and a dickie...

Be Prepared.

Damn, it has been a minute.

More than a month since the last post. Sorry for the one dude I went to high school with who occasionally checks this website out.

These new commercials for "The Hitcher" are a bit disconcerting. Mainly because no mention is made of the fact that it is a remake of Rutger Hauer's best role, that of the ridonkulously insane John Rider. If this flick is half the flick that ripped Jennifer Jason Leigh in half, I will be impressed.

In other news, I was watching "Cocktail" during the commercials of the Sugar Bowl, and imagine my surprise when I realized that Matthew McConaughey is about 7 years from being the spitting image of famed Australian actor Bryan Brown. Don't believe me?

Fuck you:


I know this is an old picture. I think it is from when he got arrested for smoking reefer naked while watching his DVD of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4. (This is an excellent film for all those who have not seen it.)


Not to be confused with two time Oscar winner Michael Caine.

The once pushovers pushing back a little harder...

So the ACC championship game is over. It was not pretty, or awe inspiring, by any means. It was pretty nice to see Tech once again go into a shell in the face of adversity. Word from some guy who works for the AJC is that they will not even make the Gator Bowl now, as the Jacksonville guys have been given permission to ignore the rule that prevents them from taking Clemson.

Tech lost this game last week, make no bones about it. Noone will admit this publicly, but they all know it in their hearts. So there you go.


Cannot wait for combines.

Back up, back up...

Step back you dilly stunts, I'm illy more than once a day I'm holding Philly blunts until I'm really a silly dunce.


I fuck with your head like hard liquor.

Tim Brando does not know the mascot of any college team...

As far as he is concerned, every team is the "Fighting [Insert head coach's last name here.]"

On an unrelated note, why would anyone want to go to Tweeter after seeing the commercial they are running these days? Their current slogan is apparently, "Come to Tweeter, where we will send an asshole to your home to demean and belittle whatever current electronics you own."

Uggggghhhhh

Good news: The Bulldogs played with heart, and had a legitimate chance against Florida late in the game (again.)

Bad news: Had they actually played a good, well-executed game from start to finish, they would have won outright.

That is all. I am off to get drunk and arrested.

Should I be surprised?

The Miami Herald has informed me that South Carolina wide reciever O.J. Murdock has been arrested for shoplifting a bunch of gear from his favorite hometown clothery in Tampa.
Should we expect anything less from someone named after two of history's greatest villains?


O.J.


Murdoc

The Sea is Pissed

The ocean is angry, my land-dwelling brothers. It is sending it's first wave of Attack Stingray to take out every man, woman, and nature host foolish enough to approach. We are not safe on boats, even. The stingrays will not sleep, they can't be bargained or reasoned with, and they absolutely will not stop until we are dead.

We need to get Professor Ogden Wernstrom on the case, if we expect to live through this.


Wernstrom!

Dead and Loving It??

I don't know how litigious these people are these days, but I am pretty sure this image came from the only FHM I ever bought about six years ago. Purchased specifically because a younger, broker version of myself noticed this particular image whilst leafing through every magazine my local Barnes & Noble felt fit to stock. Nevertheless, I figure that my people need any goodwill they can get after the previous weekend's debacle, so here is a cute little bit of fluff that I think appeared in a British "lad" magazine near the turn of the century. I am not positive, as it appears in my own possession these days only in the form of a clipping, removed from its superfluous wrapping. If the rightfull owner comes along, holler at me, and I will douse it.


When I die, and SEC season rolls around, my tombstone will play a looped recording of "Six fuckin' devils stepped up playin' brave god, had the fuckin' nerve to try and enter my graveyard."

What Have We Learned Today?!?!?!?!?

Offense can score if they have to.

Joe T. is not some retarded kid with a helmet.

Special Teams: We return kicks good, we do not punt so good.

Defense: Willie Martinez is a piece of a sick human's shit, full of corn and undigested fiber. He sucks the dick of the players the former, good, defensive coordinator recruited. If I were Brian Van Gorder, I would absolutely demand that Willie Martinez teabag me. The sonovabitch is an incompetent fuck and has no business collecting a paycheck from the job he has.

Thank you.

Damn

Just saw a commercial for 300. I have not been this excited for a flick in a long time. Everything about the little trailer was extremely dope, from the Nine Inch Nails song to the lighting and cinematography and whatnot. The fact that it comes from a boss Frank Miller book is icing on the cake. Plus, they totally jacked a line from another great movie, Conan the Barbarian. Crom will not take this shit sitting down.


Fucking Sweet.

Man FUCK Blogger

A man spends the better part of an hour writing a deft hate-speech about the afro-rocking Indian kid from Stanford on "The Real World" from a few years ago, and splices it perfectly with quotes from "Transmetropolitan" by Warren Ellis, and Blogger goes and eats the motherfucking post. Dammit.


Count yourself lucky asshole. You had it coming.

Mort Motherfuckers

I don't mean to blow my own big-ass horn, which the Vikings used to use to summon their chariots, but I called this shit. After the Falcons' game Sunday, I discussed with my friend the jackassery of the field goal unit. Koenen is a fine punter, and handles kickoffs well. Field goals are a whole nother matter. I explained to said friend that there must be dozens of elderly kickers sitting at home, waiting by the phone. Clearly, Morten is the best choice, both because he has already shown himself to be solid in old age, and because he is a former fan favorite for the home team. Gary Anderson, and many others however, must be in similar situations. If your kicker sucks, don't go through the growing pains of making him good, just sign a cheap veteran. Driving kids to soccer practice for a few years is probably good for the hamstrings anyways.


What is the Danish word for "kickass"?